While the rest of the world is still in awe of our ability to hit a small ball with a piece of metal until we get it in the hole before drinking ourselves to oblivion in celebration, the great tracksuit wearers of Ireland should not be forgotten as they strive to answer Ireland’s next ball call.
Remember when “extreme ironing” took an already annoying time waster to a whole new level? God knows, us Irish weren’t prepared. Never wanting to be caught by the short and curlies again, a small subgroup of Ireland’s male population has started to ponder the ways in which the Rubik’s Cube will enter the “extreme” category for a whole new world.
Rubik’s Cubes, the bane of the 1980’s, are a hard thing to complete, short of indulging in a bit of sticker switching. Our hardcore few, however, scoff at this, feeling that to really make it difficult, you must remove it from view. Showing nerves of steel, these visionaries regularly go where no Rubik’s Cube has gone before – downtown! Lunging the piece of plastic pain into the treasure trove that is the front of their pants, it’s time to cube!
Only the most dedicated conquer their own personal Everest, keeping a single eye on the prize as they perform their frontal assault. The best of the best can even perform this feat of social disobedience while concentrating on other things, such as standing outside an Xtra-Vision or doing something equally taxing, such as walking to the social welfare office.
Afraid that the instrument of their desire may slip through the front crack and fall to the ground - returning it’s player to a permanent state of non-competitive ball jousting - unforeseen slippage is prevented by the natural safety net that the tucked in trackie bottom affords.
Wearing the uniform of the Rubik’s Cube player not only requires determination, but also an unwavering belief in a detergent to get those whiteys whiter than white. The sacrifices do not end there; however, as many competitors have foregone education and gainful employment in their pursuit of greatness.
The next time you disturb one of these athletes by having the nerve to ask them to move away from that door they’re blocking, remember that it is you who is pissing away your life doing nothing special. These people still have their dreams…
This guy does a really good impression of Dave Chappelle doing a really good impression of a weirdo.
