Presenting the supermodel of Christmas trees. It eats tinsel, but then throws it back up in the toilets afterwards when no ones looking…
While the regular Joes continue to flush their toilets with plain ‘ol water, today I’m flushing mine with 6 litres of Finches sparkling orange (light). I’m so money…
Balbriggan train station - where sensible parking went out with the indians!
I’ll say! I tried getting a packet of crisps out of it and it called me a fat bastard…
Ireland has endured many violent periods in her life. On first spotting Mary Harney (or the “Twenty Six County Minister for Health” as the below mentioned twats call her) covered in red, I initially thought that she had just endured one of the most violent periods of her life. This was not blood, however, but red paint, thrown by a member of an organisation called éirígí, which I think is Irish for the IRA or something equally repulsive. As you can see from the weapons that are now at their disposal, decommissioning has taken its toll, otherwise perhaps Ireland’s Next Top Model might have been on the receiving end of an “A to the motherfuckin’ K” instead of a bit of Dulux.
Without resources they may be, but at least éirígí weren’t stupid enough to fall into the trap of throwing a pie at the woman (she’s probably scoffing several as I type). Far from being a punishment, she’d probably be on the news that night, not demanding an apology, but instead demanding to know what she did to deserve it (so she could do more of the same), closely followed by a full disclosure from her of her timetable over the coming weeks…nom nom nom.
Seats that tilt forward when you sit down! Smelly bastards encroaching on your personal space! Toilets that are the sole preserve of the travelling smoker! Yes folks, these statements, and more, can only start to describe the daily treat that is my work commute. After years of toil, I made a breakthrough discovery recently, when awoken on my journey by an overzealous snorer. Rubbing my eyes and readjusting the clothes peg on my nose (did I mention the smellbags?), I spotted something that helped explain away the pain and suffering that my fellow commuters and I have suffered all these years. Unbeknownst to us all, we have, in fact, been trial testing Steve Jobs latest and (far from) greatest creation. See below for unquestionable proof of…the iTrain!
Despite my searching, I couldn’t find the “Designed by Apple in California” etching anywhere, and with good reason, as it’s damn ugly, but I’m sure the prototype is only in its infancy. Things will improve…right…right?
