16th
Respect your bag, and the world will respect you!
Taking the locomotive (choo-choo) home one afternoon, I dismounted to face something quite disturbing. Some brainiac had obviously tired of wearing their school bag in the traditional “straps over the shoulders” manner. While I agree that it’s akin to the missionary position in its lack of imagination, it works (just ask your parents)! This person was obviously getting all adventurous and was in the process of penning the karma sutra of bag wearing, and was exhibiting the position 69.
The fucking bag was upside down, with all types of writing instruments spewing out at a rate of knots which could only lead me to believe that they had just carried out the world’s largest stationary heist. Perhaps their post heist haste may have prompted the bag positioning.
Let’s assume for one minute that this Kris Kross esque way of carrying a bag was in some way functional, this was completely negated by the fact that the straps weren’t even over the shoulder. Instead they were down by the elbows, effectively acting as a straight jacket around the arms.
Realizing at this stage that this person was obviously not going to do anything themselves to rectify the situation, I did what any person with half a brain would do, and promptly pushed Señor dipshit over with an enthusiasm and vigour that I hadn’t felt in years. Job done!
