21st
Try knitting your way out of this one!
Living in a commuter town, I spend a reasonable amount of time, well, commuting! During this time, I notice things. Some things I like, and some things I, eh, rant about. Come waste 2 minutes with me post haste!
While I can fully appreciate the role that knitting played in olden times, namely to pass the time before your house was lucky enough to get a goggle box, or to keep your hands occupied until you finally decided to condemn yourself to eternal damnation and start masterbating like a motherfucker, I feel that it is largely unecessary today (and tomorrow too, for that matter)!
To see a woman rhythmically knit away like she was fighting frostbite of the fingers, I was transfixed. Not by the movement, but by the thought that when she had finally run out of that spidey-web stuff, that she would look at it with great admiration and convince herself that the resultant clump actually resembled something of value, and even more unbelievebly, something that could be worn.
While those clumps that even the creator knows resemble fuck all will fall into the “scarf” category and be handed off to someone as such, the truly touched among the knitter community will place themselves firmly in the running for the “crazier than a tin shit house rat” prize by attempting to pass off their waste of time as a jumper, obviously forgetting that jumpers must exhibit some sort of symmetry. Oh, and 2 arms of equal length is always a bonus!
Passing this onto someone under the guise of a present not only saves the knittererer having to spend money on an actual gift, but leaves the recipient with the most horrid of horrors. To summarise my position on this, in reference to my good friend Harry Enfield: “Oi! Knitting! No!”.
