9th
A Christmas Tale, but crapper - Part 1
Check out the entire Christmas Tale by clicking here!
Christmas is upon us again, oh joy! Like an STD that visits once a year, it can only be cured temporarily, with lashings and lashings of money. Nothing else works, believe me, I’ve tried all the creams.
What follows is a slightly embellished version of my Christmas adventures in 2007 and 2008. Wow. If only blogs had pay per view.
Now that I’m an fully grown idiot, having spread my wings and flown the coup in October 2007 (fucking underdeveloped wings, I got knocked off course as I was aiming for Dalkey, landing in Balbriggan instead), it became my turn to deck out the new “crib” for Xmas.
Not calling it a crib in the MTV - check out my fridge - kind of way, but more akin to the fact that it is about as large as a Christmas crib (discounting the large ones that you see in your local church), but with less virgins, but surprisingly more cattle.
Growing up, I spent many the Christmas decorating what can only be described as a large lump of green plastic, with an unnerving ability to locate your eye, before promptly going all gougey gougey on it. Being an active teenager, I was already doing everything within my power to make myself blind, without a rogue shard of plastic doing it for me.
Eyesight intact (although now adorned with appearance enhancing glasses), the decision was made to get a real tree for 2007! “I’m keeping it real dawg”, I said to the seller, adopting my best gangster lean. Upon looking at the prices, I thought it best to qualify my earlier gangsterism with “real cheap”, while at the same time trying to soak up the lucozade I had spilt on the floor of my Opel Corsa in remembrance of all my dead homies (R.I.P Spot).
For more of this, check out my next blog, to be written when I get around to it. Who’s excited! Not me.
