10th
New Game Wednesday!
Name: Death on the Dart (akin to murder ball, but no judge will convict)
Location: Any train station.
Team 1: The Normal people
After a long days work, all you want to do is get off the train and home to your shitty abode. As the train slows, you see a group of people who wish to get on gather at your door, amassing to form one major pain in the face (latin name - blobulus commuticus). Time to get all “traveller” on them and take out your slash hook from your backpack (for those of you who didn’t plan ahead and forgot to bring this implement of death with you, here’s some advice: if you leave it beside your cod-liver oil tablets in the morning, you’ll never forget it again!).
Missing slash hook aside, you now need to quickly search for some like-minded people who wish to get off at the same stop as yourself, and aren’t averse to a bit of GBH (NOT the hair straightener). This is the one situation where you DO want to approach that weird bastard who has been muttering to himself for the entire journey (and NO, he wasn’t talking on a handsfree kit, he’s just mad as a hatter). Once you have amassed your “congregation of justice”, you need to form some sort of ad-hoc rugby scrum.
Any sharp implements should be shared among you, and attached so that they protrude from your footwear (like that ginger nut-woman from the bond film). Follow these rules and you’ll be off the train sooner than you can say “Puncture wound”.
Team 2: The Gobshites
You’ve had a long days work too, and you feel that those who wish to get off the train should be more understanding to you, as your journey is only beginning. As soon as the train starts to slow, pick a door that has the most people looking to get off (as this means there is the greatest chance of free seats - you are a clever bunch). Group together so tight that those wishing to get off will think they are in the depths of a full moon eclipse. Keep a straight line, and when the door opens, CHARGE!
Scoring System:
Team 1: The Normal people:
- Judo chop: 1 point.
- Jedi mind trick: 1 point.
- Vulcan nerve pinch: 1 point.
- Vulcan death pinch: Doesn’t exist.
- Using a portable seat as a weapon: 1 point.
- Faking injury, before landing a sucker punch: 1 point (if you are old or infirm, bonus point).
- Getting someone caught in the gap between the train and the platform: 1 point. (failing to tell an official that they are stuck, bonus point).
- Upending a baby pram: 1 point (baby still in it, bonus point).
- Punching someone who is wearing a tracksuit: 5 points.
- Punching anyone who is wearing pyjamas: 500 points.
- Having the deftness of touch to remove a cigarette from your opponent and putting it out on them: 1 point (if flesh is scorched, bonus point).
- Exhibiting the gymnastic like flexibility required to kick someone in the head: 1 point (this does not count if the person is already on the ground). Small people who are standing are fair game.
Team 2: The Gobshites:
- N/A
And the victor is: Always Team 1, as those who try to get on the train before you get off are gimps, one and all. Hooray for the scoring system!
